I finally got off work at 7:30 a.m.  Cosimo was waiting outside for me.  He took me to my apartment to get some clothes and after awhile we went back to his place.  I was beat so I took a shower and fell asleep.  He stayed awake and watched t.v.  He was really sweet cause he held me the whole time.  When I finally woke up he wanted to talk about what was going on in my life.  I explained to him about my boyfriend and what I should have done with my life.  He was a great listener.  He gave me a shoulder to cry on.  After a couple of hours and me calming down I changed my clothes and my brother Justin and his girlfriend Amanda came over.  We all chilled on the couch cause it started pouring outside.  We watched movies, then I got really upset and started bawling again.  I ended up going outside and crying in the rain.  Cosimo came out and took me back in the house and wrapped a towel around me and told me that everything was going to be okay.  He let me call my boyfriend cause I felt really bad that I was with another guy.  I felt better after I got off the phone b/c all he did was yell at me.  When it finally got dark it stopped raining and the four of us went to the store to get some grub and stopped up on the hill to watch some fireworks.  We went back to the house and got drunk.  Justin and Amanda left for awhile and Cosimo and I watched the new "Jason" movie.  He was laying on the couch and I was sitting on the floor beside him.  He carressed my cheek and slowly turned my face towards his and that's when he kissed me for the first time.  I got butterfly's in my stomach.  I couldn't believe that I was with him.  Later on that night he took me back to my apartment and he stayed with me for awhile.  Before he left he told me that he wanted to take me to the drive-in the next night and made sure that I was okay.  I told him that I was fine and when he left I went straight to bed and fell right to sleep.  I was finally happy and I thought that I had met the man of my dreams.  He kept telling me all day that the guy that I was with didn't deserve me and that he could make me happy.  I thought about the time that I was driving through my hometown and saw Cosimo in his yellow Dodge and I sd to myself "that's the guy that I'm going to marry."  I didn't know him but that's what I felt.  That's what my heart told me.

And that's not all.  More tomorrow. :)

Well after a full week of studying I finally learned how to crochet.  I am so excited cause now I can make cute poncho's, afghans, etc.  I love makeing crafts.  They sooth me.  Crocheting is especially calming.  Everyone tells me that I'm so creative.  I went to school for interior design but never got a job.  There is nothing around here.  If I want to make it big I would definately have to move.  I am seriously thinking about moving to California but its so far away and all my family is here.  My family told me to go ahead and go.  They sd that it would be good for me to get out into the real world and experience things for myself.  They sd it would probably be good for me.  I'm just so close to my parents that its so hard for me to go.  They sd that I can always fly back on the wknds.  Its just so scary growing up.  Sometimes I wish that I was still a kid.  You never have to worry about anything.  I thought growing up would be fun but it sucks.  Everyone who has been to California sd its great but I'm a total country girl.  I want a log cabin in the woods, no neighbors and a horse farm.  I loved living in the country.  It was so quiet.  We always had loud, crazy parties.  You never have to worry about anyone calling the cops on you.  Now I live in a housing thingy.  You know the kind.  Perfect neighbors, nice houses, everyone has a nice vehicle.  You always see people walking their dogs around the block and kids playing.  It sounds fake but thats where I live.  I hate it!  I can't be loud or have party's.  This place makes me sick cause its so perfect.  Oh well, gotta go.  Ran out of things to say. LOL

So my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me a year ago calls my current boyfriend yesterday and tells him that he wants to talk to me.  My boyfriend puts me on the phone and my ex says that he wants money for his jeep. (I drove his jeep while we were together)  I tell him no cause he owes me money for the house that I pd for when we were together (we were together for two years.)  It was only a rented house.  At the time we were breaking up he called the landlord and told him to take me off the lease and the landlord never sd anything to me.  I planned on staying there and him moving out.  So I left and we didn't talk for awhile.  Over the past year he's been calling me and telling me that he misses me then a couple days later he tells me that he doesn't want anything to do with me.  I haven't even bothered to waste my time and call him at all over the last year.  So anyway, he tells me that he's taking me to the magistrate and I tell him to go right ahead because I have a copy of the cancelled check showing that I pd for the house, and that I can fight him for the money.  Then I hang up on him.  A couple minutes later he calls back and asks me why I'm so angry so I tell him cause he constantly calls and causes trouble with my new boyfriend.  I told him that I am tired of him, that I don't want him, and that he makes me miserable.  I tell him that my current boyfriend has been through more with me then my he ever was, and he tells me that my boyfriend is stupid and I say "no, its b/c he's a good guy".  I sd that he doesn't call his mommy every time that we have a fight.  I then sd that I was moving to California next year so that he was completely out of my life and that's when he hung up on me.  Again, he calls back a couple minutes later and says that he's sorry and that he wasn't taking me to the magistrate.  I sd that he can go right ahead cause there's no evidence that I was driving the jeep. I ended the call by saying "go have your hoe girlfriend turn some more trick so that you can stay on unemployment and stop calling me."  Then I hung up.

Why does he keep calling me?  Why does he bother?  He says that he doesn't want me then he turns around and says he does.  What's the deal?  I don't want him and I make it clear that I don't want him.

We've been through a lot over the years but we managed to stay friends.  You have always been there for me and when I was down you somehow managed to cheer me up.  You mean a lot to me and I don't know what I would do without you.  We were so close then then we lost touch.  But somehow we started talking again and you weren't mad at me for not calling you.  That's a true friend.  I've been through a lot over the past year but one thing that kept me going was knowing you were my friend and would be there for me.  You are the best friend that I have ever had and I hope that we can stay friends forever.

P.S.

To all that read this.  The above entry goes to my best friend Shawn whom I've know since I was in the 4th grade.  (Just in case there was confusion b/c of the below entry which is about my other good friend.) :) 

Today I finally got an insurance co that isn't going to make me pay a fortune for car insurance.  Now I can go on friday and get the insurance and then on saturday I can finally get the car xfrd into my name.  Starting Monday I am going to go and look for a job and start fixing my life.  Everything is just so screwed up right now.  I had to look at the facts.  If I want to make my life better I am just going to have to do it myself.  Life is hard and noone is going to help me, I have to do it for myself.  If I want to be happier then I have to work for it.  I'm only 22 but I feel that I am so old that I can't do anything anymore.  It's too early for me to have a midlife crisis.  Why am I doing this to myself?  I'm still young.  I have plenty of time to fix my life.  If I want things to change then I'll have to make goals and actually keep them.  Today I also started excercising.  This is a step to get back to the body that I miss.  At the time I thought that I was fat but now that I look back and look at the size clothes that I wore, I now realize that I wasn't fat; it was just me bringing myself down.  I had a good life.  I had friends, a nice car, a job, money and I could have easily got my own place but I didn't believe in myself.  Today, that all changed.  Today I started believing in myself and realized that anything is possible.  Today is the start of a new beginning for me.

My friend sd to me once that she doesn't have a life..okay she has a job, a nice car, her own apartment, friends, looks, and she's going to school.  She has the nerve to tell me of all people that she doesn't have a life?  Hello!?  I don't have a car or a job or my own place,and I'm not going to school! I did once have looks but over the past year I have been so depressed that I have gained so much weight.  Yes, I know that this is all my fault but everytime she comes over she talks about how much she's accomplished and it really brings me down.  Don't get me wrong now, I'm proud of her and happy for her.  I know she doesn't do it on purpose but it really bothers me.  She goes on and on how much weight she's lost and that she's so hot now.  Yes, she is very pretty and I would love to have her body and her personality.  She's really sweet. Meanwhile here I am fat and depressed, and mean as hell.  Yes she is a good friend and I'm happy for her cause she's been through a lot of crap like I have over the years. What am I supposed to do?  I'm straightening my life out now.  I'm in the process of getting a car (hopefully this wknd) and then I'm going to get a job and my own place and as soon as I save money I'm going back to school.  I still want her to be my friend but I don't know how to tell her how much she upsets me.